Category Archives: Concepts in Psychology

The Way We Complemented One Another, a Story on Marriage

Translated…

When I was younger, my biggest interest is none, other than being closer to nature, I’d gotten involved with a hiking group, and every weekend, I’d gone hiking on trails with my friends, to take photographs.

Back then, I’d given up on my dreams because of love, even though, my husband is physically handicapped, couldn’t go hiking with me, but he’d supported me entirely, and it’d allowed me to climb the Da-Ba-Jien Mountain, along with the other high mountains here in Taiwan.  My husband is naturally quiet, loved music, did mostly quiet things, but he was more than generous and open, allowed me to attend outdoor functions freely.

One of us is very neat, the other one, not so much so, but we can show understanding toward one another, and show great tolerance toward each other too.  Even though, we’d have verbal disagreements from time to time, but, one of us would willingly back down.

As we slowly passed midlife, recalling how we’d gotten along like two parallel lines from when we were younger, that we never even intersected, the only common thing we had was responsibilities, whether it be toward the kids, the elders, we’d given, without any complaints, and we’d also respected one another, and agreed on things too.

In these couple of years, I took to the teachings of Buddha, worked hard to change myself, and slowly, I’d changed my bad temper too.  We knew to cherish what we shared, along with take advantage of the now.

So, opposites DO attract, huh?  And, these two are very different, and yet, they were able to make their marriage last, and I think, it’s because of that mutual respect toward one another that they both had, as the relationships should be built on respect.

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Filed under Because of Love, Concepts in Psychology, Expectations, Family Matters, Fate, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Values, White Picket Fence

Swing

Translated…

If I tell people, you are merely wasting the food resources, there’s NO purpose for you being alive, you’re adding to the stresses of the environments, you would totally NOT believe me.  You would all be saying, that you’d once swept up those fallen leaves, picked up any amounts of trash, and talked of how morally responsible you all are, how you loved the masses, the earth.  And still, I will keep on saying, you were NEVER born, you are like zombies, you’re like the breezes of the winds, not leaving a trace.

As I’d talked, on and on, nonstop, to all the passersby, to all the critters and wild animals who’d passed me by, to the insects, the ants too, like there’s a LOT of things, bursting out of my body, incinerated into ashes, underneath the scorching sun, flying all over the places, and, nothing can calm me down again, I feel so much heat out of my body, I’m praying for a perfect storm, even IF you’d held an umbrella over my head, you still couldn’t block out the scorching sun that’ll toast any living being.

The world, must be running on some sort of an invisible track, there must be a certain, unspecified moments that it’s arrived at its final destination too.  And, I’d feel this heavy hammer, pounding on my brains all of a sudden, the history books started blinking, in the darkened corner of a museum, glowing softly.  Are we, trying to find the highs and lows of that river of history?  Is there something inside of us, yearning, to break free from our bodies?

The glows of the yesterdays were under attack, the things that our ancestors did became so clear as day, it’s an disbelieved speculation, bringing before the public, the easily challenged statements.  The beautiful flower, had gotten stomped on and picked up by the public, and it will eventually wither away.  And so, all the people started getting rowdy.  There’s NO more peace to be had now, the truth that people believe in, had become tilted, as the swings went up and down, high and low in the air now.

And so, nothing IS constant, so, how will you adapt to that?  You can only live your lives, best as you could, with good morals, and NOT hurting anybody, knowingly OR unknowingly, that, is all that anybody can asks of you, to KEEP yourselves in check, that way, the world doesn’t get screwed, because all that’s needed for a big machine to stop working is for a small screw to FALL out of ITS place, and, we are ALL small screws that makes up this HUGE machine.

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His Wife and Child Left Him…He’d Placed His Own Teaching Certificate as a “Wager” and Still Betted

In need of serious treatment for a GAMBLING problem here, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The male P.E. teacher from Jinghua Middle School had gotten so deep in the game, “Bingo-Bingo” he’d owed over four million dollars, last year, he’d placed another bet at the lottery stores, and didn’t pay, and received a delayed jail sentence, his wife took his kids and left him; yesterday, he’d done the same, placed bets of over $40,000N.T at two separate shops, and told the shops that they could have his teaching identification card to keep, claimed that he’s going to get the money for the bets, and ran off, the shops called the police and he was caught.

The forty-one year old teacher Chang four years ago became addicted to the game, “Bingo-Bingo”, and ever since, he’d gone down the dark paths, asked money from his friends and loan sharks to place his bets, and as he was arrested, there was only $100N.T. left inside his wallet; he said with regrets, that he couldn’t defeat the desires to gamble, “maybe I should just CHOP my own fingers off!”

Yesterday Chang went to a lotto shop on Zhongxiao E. Road, asked to get nineteen bets (each one worth $1,250 N.T.), totaling to $23,750N.T.s, and, he’d lost everything.  As the shop asked for him to pay, he’d asked for another game, the shop insisted that he paid them first; he’d told them, that he didn’t have that much on him, and gave them his cell phone number, his teacher’s certificate, along with his driver’s license, claimed that he’s getting more money, and, never returned to the shop again, the shop called him, he’d turned off his cell.

Chang later went to place his bets at another shop, as he was half way done, the shop asked him to pay, he’d told them, “I don’t have the money!”, the shop quickly stopped his bets, but, part of the bets he’d placed were final, and he’d placed eighteen separate bets, totaling up to over $22,000N.T., he’d begged to pay them back at a later date, the shop called the police.

The police arrested him, and booked him based off of fraud; he’d claimed, that he’d betted, to pay off his debts, that he will pay up.  The police found, that this, was NOT the first time that Chang had done this, last year, he’d gone to four separate shops, and owed $40,000N.T., and was sentenced to the jail term of six months, which he was supposed to serve two years later.

Chang said, that at the beginning, it was only for fun, for a few hundred bucks, and then, it’d gotten bigger and bigger, the most he’d betted was $400,000N.T. a time, and because he’d lost, he felt unfair, and he needed to take care of his two elementary aged daughters, “I wanted to get my losses back all at once!”, without knowing, that he’d gotten into the vicious cycle, kept borrowing money to gamble, and now, he’d owed over four million dollars.

He said, his wife already turned cold from trying to get through to him unsuccessfully, last year, she’d divorced him, and took the kids, he worried about how he’ll pay back the money owed, he couldn’t focus on teaching his classes; he knew, that he didn’t have a dime left, and still, he’d wanted to place the bets, “I’d secretly hoped that I’d win big!”.  He said, that last time he was caught, he got a big reprimand from the school, that this time, he might lose his teaching post at the school.

The police told him, that he is able-bodied, and should work hard, to “not ruin your own life!”, and even though, he’d told them, “I understood!”, that he wouldn’t keep going, and he’d used his cell phone, to take out money from the loan sharks, and the police couldn’t do anything to help him.

And this man had gotten drawn in, by the gambler’s fallacy, thinking that the next time he’ll finally win back all he’d lost, and, yet, he kept on this losing streak, until he’d lost his pants, and he still wanted to gamble, and, it may take this LOSER to lose HIS life to finally realize, and by then, it would be too late because he’d be D-E-A-D!!!

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The Birth of a Thought Brings About the Realization of a Fear

This, is still very true, you still have to be taught to fear (like Little Albert & the Rat???).  A thought is being born, and, in ITS earlier stages of “life”, it had NO idea what fears are all about, just as we, as children, born into this world, FEARLESS too, and, with time, and education, and experiences that we’d had, we’d learned to fear.

The birth of a thought brings about the realization of a fear, and sometimes, that fear isn’t realized immediately, but sometime later on, call it a delayed reaction if you will, but, make NO doubt, that with the birth of a thought, fears are going to be acknowledged, and they (the fears???) will come into your conscious mind, instead of being buried deeply, inside your UNCONSCIOUS.

The birth of a thought brings about the realization of a fear, because we are normally unafraid of things, until we were TAUGHT to fear something, because everything IS still “conditioned” (not like the hairdressing method, of course…).

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Filed under Concepts in Psychology, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle

Flown Off on a Paper Airplane

I didn’t expect this journey at all, honest!!! But one day, a paper airplane came to the airport, and, I acted on my impulses, I’d boarded that plane, and, I had, flown off on a paper airplane…

Flown off on a paper airplane, but, the paper airplane is made up of such fragile material (hello, it’s made of paper you MORON, no offense!!!). Flown off on a paper airplane, it was, NOT, what I’d expected my life would take me, but, I’d boarded that “plane”…

Flown off on a paper airplane, and allowed my imagination to SOAR, and, my imagination took me to higher heights I’d ever been, it took me to beyond the other side of the rainbow, and I’d captured that Leprechaun, and he’d shared me with his pot of gold, that kind sir!!! Flown off on a paper airplane, and it was a wonderful journey too, but, as we all know, all good things, AND bad, must come, to an end, and so, I’d gotten off, of that flight…

Ever since that day I’d flown off on a paper airplane, after I’d come back, nothing was the same (kinda like how Rip Van Winkle after he’d woke up???), and, all things that used to be familiar, wasn’t anymore, and, nobody recognized me, and that, was when I glared into the mirror, and found, a strange looking guy, staring right back at me……hey, STOP mocking me, stop doing everything I’m doing, what the @#$%!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Someone Must Have Heard Her Scream

Like in the Kitty Genovese case, I mean, she DID live in an APARTMENT with N-E-I-G-H-B-O-R-S all around, so, when the bad guy came and STABBED her, she must have screamed out in pain, and, someone (at least ONE person!!!) must have heard her too, but, how come nobody helped her out???

Someone must have heard her scream, but, NOBODY dialed emergency, because they were ALL led to believe, that hey, if I’d heard her, than, someone else must have, and this mindset just spread, like the Bubonic Plague of the 1500s/1600s, killing everybody who “caught” it.

Someone must have heard her scream, so, how come NOBODY paid attention? Was it because she was too young, she couldn’t speak, after all, she could barely sit up straight, and, where were her parents when she was choking on her own vomit? Oh, they’re in the next room, pointing fingers and dividing UP the blames in their marriage.

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Addicted to Playing the Victim

Because I’d gotten too many PERKS in so doing, and, I got MORE of everything: attention, sympathy, etc., etc., etc., so yeah, I’m totally, ADDICTED (hey, I’m healing here, aren’t I???)

Addicted to playing the victim, because you’d gotten ALL the attention that you were lacking as a child growing up, and, BAD attention is still way, way, W-A-Y better than NO attention at all, isn’t it?

Addicted to playing the victim, you weren’t originally a victim, but, as you watched the interactions, the goings-on of the world, you soon realized, that hey, you could get MORE, IF you played your cards right. You could get the attention, the SPOTLIGHT that shines on you, to make you feel, oh so very special too.

Addicted to playing the victim, it’s like ALL kinds of addiction, to substances, or whatever, once you get addicted, you’d have a difficult time, de-toxing, and, more often than not, you will NEVER be able to get OFF fully, of that train that’s moving faster than ever, the ADDICTION EXPRESS!!!

Addicted to playing the victim, because it’d gotten me ALL the attention that I never received growing up, and, I will be willing to SELL my soul, for just a little bit MORE attention for you, my world, and so, you do SEE, how this, is still, FUELING to the bad behaviors, right???

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Lessons in How to Age with Wisdom, by: P. Korkki

From The New York Time…

Since ancient times, the elusive concept of wisdom has figured prominently in philosophical and religious texts. The question remains compelling: What is wisdom, and how does it play out in individual lives?

Vivian Clayton, a geriatric neuropsychologist in Orinda, California, developed a definition of wisdom in the 1970s that has served as a foundation for research on the subject ever since. After scouring ancient texts, she found that most people described as wise were decision makers. So she asked a group of law students, law professors, and retired judges to name the characteristics of a wise person. She determined that wisdom consists of three key components: cognition, reflection and compassion.

Research shows that cognitive functioning slows as people age. But a recent study in Topics in Cognitive Science pointed out that older people have much more information in their brains than younger ones, and the quality of the information in the older brain is more nuanced.

According to Dr. Clayton, one must take time to gain insights and perspectives from one’s cognitive knowledge to be wise. Then one can use those insights to understand and help others.

Monika Ardelt, and associate professor at the University of Florida, felt a need to expand on studies of old age because of research showing that satisfaction late in life consists of things like maintaining physical and mental health, volunteering and having positive relationships with others. But this isn’t always possible. Wisdom, she has found, is what can help even severely impaired people find meaning, contentment and acceptance in life.

She developed a scale consisting of 39 questions aimed at measuring three dimensions of wisdom. People responding to statements on Professor Ardelt’s wisdom scale were not told they were being measured for wisdom. Respondents later answered questions about hypothetical challenges, and those who showed evidence of high wisdom were also more likely to have higher coping skills.

An impediment to wisdom is thinking, “I can’t stand who I am now, because I’m not who I used to be,” said Isabella S. Bick, a psychotherapist who, at eighty-one, still practices part time in Sharon, Connecticut. She has aging clients who are upset by a perceived worsening of their looks, sexual performances and abilities. For them, an acceptance of aging is necessary for growth, but “it’s not a resigned acceptance; it’s an embracing acceptance,” she said.”

Professor Ardelt’s research shows that when people in nursing homes score high on her wisdom scale, they also report a greater sense of well-being. “If things are really bad, it’s really good to be wise,” she said.

Wisdom is characterized by a “reduction in self-centeredness,” Professor Ardelt said. Wise people try to understand situations from multiple perspectives, and they show tolerance as a result.

Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence,” said an important sign of wisdom was “generativity”, a term used by the psychologist, Erik Erikson, who developed an influential theory on the stages of the human lifespan. Generativity means giving back without needing anything in return, Dr. Goleman said.

He interviewed Mr. Erikson, along with his wife, Joan, in the late 1980s, when both were in their eighties. Mr. Erikson’s theory of human development had initially included eight stages from infancy to old age. When the Eriksons themselves reached old age, though, they found a need, to add a ninth stage of development, one in which wisdom played an crucial role. “They depict an old age in which one has enough conviction in one’s own completeness to ward off the despair that gradual physical disintegration can too easily bring,” Dr. Goleman said.

“Even the simple activities of daily living may present difficulty and conflict,” Joan Erikson wrote in an expanded version of her husband’s book, “The Life Cycle Completed”.

The book adds: “One must join in the process of adaptation. With whatever tact and wisdom we can muster, disabilities must be accepted with lightness and humor.”

And so, this, is what the EXPERT says, about aging gracefully, and, because we are still living LONGER, and LONGER, and L-O-N-G-E-R, yeah, I know it’s a total D-R-A-G, and so, there ARE more literature in this area these days, because back then (don’t ask when though), when midlife IS considered as “geriatric”, but now, people are living into their nineties, hundreds even, and so, the quality of life became the PRIMARY focus of our old age.

 

 

 

 

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Conditioned to Fear

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Fear, a Learned Response

Fear is, after all, a learned response, because back when we were all still too young to even KNOW anything, we do NOT know H-O-W to fear, but, our stupid (b/c that, is what you ALL are!!!) adult “counterparts” teaches us to, we became fearsome toward things.

Fear, a learned response, and once you learned to become responsive to fear, well, your fears will NEVER subside, as fear is a very S-T-R-O-N-G emotion, and, the fear you’d learned, will escalate, it will get larger, larger, and larger, until you’d finally become totally, overcome, overwhelmed, even PARALYZED by it.

Fear is a learned response, you think that Little Albert FEARED that RAT in the same room? Heck no, but because those researchers (in the NAME of S-C-I-E-N-C-E!!!) wanted to test their theories out, they’d combined a stimulus that didn’t make Little Albert respond, to something that SCARED the SHIT out of him (in this case, a LOUD noise, and which young child would NOT get startled by that LOUD noise???), and that, is how fear IS a “learned behavior”, and once fear is learned, well, it’s not going to be easy, for you, to UNLEARN it, as those things would have taken UP roots, deep down, on the inside………

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Concepts in Psychology, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Nature vs. Nurture, Social Awareness, Values, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls