Out of a book I’m reading, translated by me…
I would see the mothers and daughter holding intimate conversations from time to time. They’d treated one another with respect, and as independent from each other, the mother didn’t treat the daughter as something she owned, maintained the distance, at the same time, still were able to, relate to one another intimately. Every time I see this combination, I’d, felt envious. To tell the truth, it’s something really nice. For me though, my relationship with my mother consisted of the never-ending fights, sometimes, we’d, impacted one another hard, sometimes, we’d, ignored each other, and finally, I’m, to where I, currently am. Back then, I’d wanted to leave home, to get married early, to want another family. And yet, I’d come to understand, that I will find no place to belong in at a young age, so I’d, forced myself to become, independent. And, from this perspective, my mother would be, awesome.
So, why did I have such a mother? About a year ago, this question surfaced to my mind. Because no matter what, children can’t choose their own parents, and, it’s this sort of a drawing by chance. If you drew good parents, then, you’re blessed, and if you didn’t, you would be, tortured in life.
As the question started growing inside of my mind, I’d finally decided, to pay a visit to the fortune teller one afternoon. I only needed to provide my date of birth, my place of birth, and my time of birth, then, the individual will be able to read my life. I’d, originally, not believed such a thing, but this was, the only straw I can grab onto, to save myself.
Anything, anything at all, I just, needed a reason, for why I was, born to, this woman who was, my mother.
The fortune-teller told me, that I’d owed my mother a favor in a past life. That’s it, I was, graced by my mother in another life? And, it was, from a lifetime ago, there’s nothing I can do, and so, I’d, immediately, accepted the claims of that, fortune teller. And, my mother being my mother, was also something, she’d lacked, control over.
The fortune-teller told me, that facing the trials right now, is the ultimate test of my spirit, if I passed, then, my soul will no longer need to get trapped in the cyclic karma, and I won’t come back as a human being again.
And of course, that was, that, a fortune-telling session, there was no way of me knowing for certain if it is true or false. But for me, even if it’s untrue, it’d helped me find the salvation I needed. The words of the fortune-teller gave me that heart of ease now, and I can, better accept the problems I have with my own mother.
The most important gain from this session, was I now know, that I’m, tested by God right now, and, if I didn’t visit the fortune-teller as I’d done when I had, I may still be, living in a depressed mood every single day.
As my mother passed, in the current moment, my state of mind felt like that finally solved math problem. Although, I’d not made the perfect scores still, but, at least, I’d, passed the exams.
And, this just showed, how we’re, often trapped by the whys of life, we want a valid reason, to make sense of why and how things happened the way that they had, and, this woman, she’d found the answer she was in need of (regardless of whether or not it’s true or false), that she’d found closure, to the awful relationship she’d always had with her own mother, and she’s, moving on with the rest of her life, leaving that baggage, behind, for she’d, carried it for too long, all the way up to the point in her life, and now, she’s finally, letting go.