Helping the Child Follow Her/His Passions and Areas of Interests

How the “experts” do it, raising their young, that is, translated…

The associate professor from Donghua University of the literature major, Yang has a son and a daughter, she and her husband, Wei, both don’t like restricting their children, hoped that their offspring can have the freedom to grow, to develop freely, so, the two of them, through reading, to help their kids who are totally different, who have difficulties, adjusting to learning in the systems, into a child who can think on her own, and the other child, from having a lax of confidence, to being brave to strike out abroad on his own.

Difficulties Adapting in the Systems

The older brother of the two kids, Yang Wei enjoys reading since he was very young, the friends and families described him as “having his nose stuck in a book”, but, being so multitalented from before school age, after he’d entered into the elementary schools, he had difficulties, adjusting, adapting to the system.

Yang Wei can read the words on the newspapers, but couldn’t understand the phonetic spelling markers, plus, once he’d taken to drawing insects on the floor, he couldn’t hear the bell ring, thus, he became a “troublemaker” in his teachers’ views, Yang described the hardships she’d gone through with the teachers at her son’s school, just prayed that her son could “sail through the elementary years without any difficulties”.

During that time, Yang and her husband accompanied their son, as he immersed himself in reading, and they’d discovered that he was interested in history, and had placed the historical tales into his reading list, and, the reading abilities that were accumulated from years before, had helped their son shine in middle school.

But, the same methods of allowing their son to develop freely, with only enough interventions, it’d had the opposite effect on their daughter, Wei Wei.

Traveling to Find the Changes

Wei Wei is five years younger than her older brother, enjoyed exercising her imaginations, is intelligent, had a smooth ride in the elementary years, and comparing to Yang Wei’s learning processes, Yang felt that it was, heaven-sent, but, as Wei Wei went on to middle school, the academic pressures became too great, and, she had difficulties, defining herself, and lost ALL her self-confidence, it’d made her mom, Tsuei Yang sad and anxious, and, she’d regretted that she should’ve become two different moms to her two kids, using two separate ways to educate them.

In the last year of her middle school year, Tsuei Yang encouraged her daughter to take after her older brother, to go to a homestay family in the U.S. and study for a year, and, because the new environment gave her a new look at things, after Wei Wei returned, she’d truly made a change to herself, and found her self-confidence back too.

Tsuei Yang is busy, accompanying her own graduate students, preparing for lectures, and giving lectures, all over the places, in the time when she’d taught at the universities in Taichung, Tainan, and Hualien, she’d mentored at least thirty grad students, but she said, that no matter how busy she got, she’d taken the time, to become a “mother who was present”, accompanying her kids, as they grow older.

Don’t Pressure the Children

“We’re a family that gets lost in conversations together”, from when Yang Wei had his first girlfriend in the elementary years, and took the love letters to his mother and asked him, “Women ARE unpredictable, aren’t they?”, she had started having long conversations at nights, discussions of writing, of literature, knowledge with her kids at home.

And, when the daughter Wei Wei was in high school, she’d done badly in her history courses, and, being a history major, Tsuei Yang took over teaching her, and outlined the three years of high school level history texts, and slowly, explained it to her daughter, becoming her own child’s tutor.

“It’s easy, for a child to lost her/his self-confidence, but, it’s really difficult to help her/him build it back up again.”, and now, Wei Wei would get close to her dad, hold his hands, tell him how much she misses him, and had found a stage where she excelled in, in learning.

Tsuei Yang’s understanding from her children’s lives is, the same environments, the same way of instructing, although the process was grueling and hard, but, not pressuring children, allowing them to take time to learn, it eventually helps the children develop the passions in their own lives, as well as their own independences.

And so, this, is still a trial by error, because the two kids are different from each other, as NO two persons in this world are clones, the mother found a way, to teach both her kids effectively, by giving the children what they’d needed from her, and, she spent a lot of time, connecting with her children too, that, is very important also.

 

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Lessons, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Socialization

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