Being the Primary Caretaker of Her Demented Father, “How Could He Forget Me!”

Caretaking of demented elderly, translated…

Patients who are diagnosed with dementia has a declining mental capacity, it’s such a tragic and sad process, and, the decline of mental capacity is not limited to the loss of memories, it’s often accompanied by the ability to make judgments as well as abstract thinking abilities on the decline as well, and, the whole thing combined, turned the matter into scenes after scenes of hard-to-deal with arguments and difficulties in one’s life.

Mr. Wang was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s many years ago, from the very beginning when the symptoms started when he’d started asking his family members the same questions again and again, to his eyes, slowly overcome with that look of helplessness, in the multiple sessions with the doctor, the families were told that this, IS the progression of Alzheimer’s, and, the children could comply with how their father would fall silent from time to time, and get loud every now and then, and they’d returned home to visit with him even more, hoped, to keep the years shared on the increase.

His Youngest Daughter Took Good Care of Him, But, Her Father Had, Forgotten Her

Ms. Wang is the youngest of her family, when her father was diagnosed, she was the one who’s not yet married, their mother died early, so naturally, she’d shouldered up the responsibilities to care for him.  With the worsening of her father’s condition, Ms. Wang took an early retirement from the school she’d taught at, and, helped her father live off of his own savings, as well as her own retirement pensions, the days are hard, and, seeing how her father deteriorated by the day, she’d started fretting.

When Mr. Wang started becoming delusional and started arguing with her, Ms. Wang realized that her father’s conditions had progressed even further.  From time to time, her father would have that doubtful gaze, asked her, “What’s your name?”, she thought, that it was a temporary moment of memory lapse, how could he forget, the daughter who’s by his side for all these years, until the day…

“Dad, wake up for your breakfast!”, as Ms. Wang prepared the meals, and waken her father up for it, her father looked at her, with panic, screamed, “GET AWAY from me!  Why are you in my house!  What do you want from me!”, Ms. Wang was shocked, and had, time and time, told Mr. Wang her name, that she was the daughter he’d lived with every single day now, but, Mr. Wang kept denying her as his daughter, and insisted, that his daughter lives in another city.

As Her Father’s Condition Progressed, She’d Become a Stranger to Him

Ms. Wang called up her older sister, and handed the phone to her father, and her father behaved like a child who was shocked, told her eldest that there was a bad lady that came to his house, and, as he spoke, the tears of panic came to his eyes.  At which time, Ms. Wang could no longer hold it in, started tearing up, by the corner of the walls.

As the eldest sister rushed back home, her father, with that look of panic, hid out in his own bedroom, and, her youngest sister, without ANY facial expressions, sitting in the living room, crying.  Ms. Wang finally cracked, she’d screamed hysterically, “How can he forget me!  I’d given up my job for him, sacrificed my love life, my life, used ALL the energies I have, to care for him, and, all he could remember was, you, the daughter who married far off, are all these years I’d been giving my life for naught now?”

A Slow-Rewind of His Memories, the Hardships Were, Forgotten First

The memories of the demented elderly started getting lost, from the newer ones, so, at first, they’d have troubles, recalling what was just said to them, then, with the progression of the disease, the patients’ memories started to rewind forward.

The earliest memories that one has is the slowest to be gone, and so, Mr. Wang may forget about his youngest daughter, then, his oldest, forgetting about one’s own offspring, before one’s own spouse, and, it’s all because of the difference in the time and accumulation of moments shared.

A lot of the younger and unmarried children became the primary caretakers of demented parents, but, with the progressions of the illness, it’d made the caretaking duties harder to handle, and they’re the very first to get forgotten.  But, the blurring of the demented patients and the simplified logic, a condition that neither parties wanted to have happened occurs.  Other than handling the caretaking duties, one must also have plans for one’s own life, and you must share your thoughts with someone else, so you don’t carry it all on yourselves.

So, from this, you CAN see, how uneven the primary caretaker feels, right?  She’s the one who took her father in, took good care of him, and yet, she’d become a stranger to him, and, this would be hard for this woman to handle because she’d put EVERYTHING into caring for her demented father, and, in the end, he couldn’t even recognize him anymore, but that, is the progression of this illness of old age.

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Expectations, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Old Age

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