The Problem of a Spare for a “Perfect & Happily Married” Couple

In need of marriage counseling here, a Q&A, translated…

Madam L wrote:

She’d been married for twenty-five years, with two sons, she thought that her marriage was perfect, but a decade ago, she felt harassed by a woman’s calls, she’d looked into the matter, and found that she was one of her husband’s female coworker who wasn’t married, the two of them struck up an office affair, but the husband denied it.  This mess continued on for a while, until the other woman got married, then, it’d become settled down.

Six years ago, her husband was diagnosed with cancer, almost died, L took care of him, worked hard, ran around for her husband’s sake.  After the husband was better, he was extremely grateful toward L, and told her that she was his one and only love, and will hold hands with her until the very end.

Without knowing, that awhile ago, she’d found messages texted to and from him and his former lover.  Although L felt hurt, she didn’t blow his covers, just hinted that she knew he was seeing someone on the side, but the husband immediately denied it, said that there’s NO problem with a spare with him.

L said that she and her husband got along quite well, rarely argued, she couldn’t understand why her husband was doing this to her.  L wanted to write to the other woman, tell her, that the affair is known now; also, she’d thought of getting her husband’s eldest sister to help console with him on the matter, but, she didn’t dare make the moves.  Should she keep pretending everything’s okay, or bust the whole thing wide open?  The other woman may have intents to harm her, she wanted to keep guard of her home, and she didn’t know what to do.

A My Advice:

L kept believing, that she has a picture-perfect marriage, and thinks that her husband has great characters, took care of the home, and loved their kids, it’s just that he’s too easily tempted.  And L never thought about getting a divorce, she just wanted to keep her household intact.

L’s husband is pretty mild in temper, but, without the stamina, because L’s putting up with him, and her unwillingness to admit, that he’s cheating on her, so, he’d just keep on, denying his affairs to her.  If L don’t want to go towards divorce, then, stop making trouble for herself, and check her husband’s cell phone.  Whether it be writing that anonymous letter to the spare, or having her husband’s eldest sister to work as the middleman in her confrontations with her husband’s whore, it may break the husband’s bottom line.

I feel, that whether this affair goes BUST would be relying on when the husband of the spare finds out, then, the problems will then, be dealt with, so, L, you’re on your own!

This, is totally taking an EXTREMELY PASSIVE perspective to handling one’s husband’s affair, and, this woman is just too afraid to take action, that, was why this is the way the story is going.

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Filed under Being Exposed, Coping Mechanisms, Divorces, Downward Spiral, Excuses, Expectations, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Professional Opinions, Slaps on the Wrist

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