There’s a Difference Between My Mother AND My Mother-in-Law, Between a Daughter and a Mother-in-Law

Let’s see what happens, shall we???  Translated…

My good friend, Li had been married for a little over a year now, other than facing the challenges of adaptations of the transition of being in love with her husband, to being married to him, she’d once felt this strong impact over how the values that her mother-in-law held was so different from her own mother’s.

Li’s mother is practical, worked for a very long time in a public office, sought out a stable lifestyle, she’d taken care of Li and her sister very nicely.  Even though, Li is already married, most of the times she’d still lived with her parents, and, enjoyed getting looked after by them.

On the contrary, Li’s mother-in-law is outgoing, not paying too much attention on the details, an able-bodied business woman, even though she’s busy at work, she’d still managed, to find the time, to take courses, to get her master’s degree, and certifications.  She’d enjoyed having multiple identities, so she could take care of so many things at once, just couldn’t have a moment of spare time to herself.

From before, Li and her husband wanted to get a pre-owned car, hoped to use her mother-in-law’s people relations, begged her to come along.  Without knowing, that although her mother-in-law agreed to go, she’d just watched, and carried on in conversation with the salesperson, and because Li and her husband couldn’t make up their minds, in the end, they didn’t buy the car.  After a few short days, Li’s mother learned that her daughter wanted a car, and started asking her close friends and relatives, if there are dealers they knew, and had even gone to slash the prices herself, she’d almost paid the down payments too, in the end, in Li’s insistence that she didn’t want to buy the car, then, her mother let it go.

Li grew up under the watchful and loving and caring ways of her mother, at first, she couldn’t get over how her mother-in-law did things, and had even started to hold that feeling of hatred toward her.  But slowly, Li started to understand, that her mother-in-law is a believer of, “Everyone must take responsibilities for one’s own choices”, she’d believed, that her son and daughter-in-law are both adults, and so, she wouldn’t butt into their affairs.

Recently, Li couldn’t help but tell us what she feels inside, “Actually, I believe, that my mother did everything for me, because she didn’t believe that I’m capable, since I was growing up, I’d been negate.  Although I never needed to handle anything at home, but, I feel great pressure, when I’m around my own mother.”

She’d lowered her head, and mumbled to herself, “I felt from before, that my mother-in-law never even cared about us at all, and now I know, that she’d chosen to let go, to show her love toward us.  And because of her, I finally felt, that I’m trustworthy.”

So here, you see the IMPACTS from one’s family of origin, don’t you?  Because this woman grew up sheltered, her mother took care of everything FOR her, without allowing her to lift a finger, which made her feel, that she wasn’t capable, but, her mother-in-law used a more laissez-faire attitude toward the decisions that her young are making, and, the woman ended up, appreciating her mother-in-law’s ways of allowing them to do things for themselves.


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Filed under Family Matters, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Values

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