Secrets & Desires


I saw in the movie, that the female lead’s bed was close to the window, and the headboard was right up against the window.  She woke in the sun, her face and pillow was bathed, by the warm sunshine.  After she woke, she’d flipped over onto her stomach, looked out the window.

I’d always wanted a bed like that.  At a certain time, like when I’m about to drift off to sleep, or right before I wake, when I’m in-between, a bed that faces out the window, without the barriers with the outside world, so very close, like I’m afloat, on top of the world.

That sort of a slumber, must be guarded, by endless number of ghosts, and spirits, I suppose!

In the movie, the female lead had an unguarded window like that, so, later on, a certain man came in through the window, gotten onto her bed, and raped her.  The movie didn’t show if she’d still slept on that same bed or not.  Before she was raped on that bed, the bed was, glorious: with the satin pillows, with the flowery seams decorating it.  The satin drapes of the window would caress the female lead as she slept.  The moonlight shined down on her face.  After she was raped, her face was hovered over by the shadows, the man stood by the window, looking down at, the woman’s face, still, as the top of a lake, then, he dove in.

The older movies were not as violent as they are now, and, the scary movies had that mysteriousness about them, and it showed NO violence, but instead, desires.  William Wyler turned John Fowles’s book, into, “The Collector”.  The man kidnapped a female college student, locked her up inside his home, until she died.  Afterwards, he went looking, for his next victim.

The male lead, Terrence Stamp is good looking and gloomy.  When I saw the film at age fifteen, it wasn’t at all, scary, or dangerous, instead, I felt more romantic about it, as if, controlling someone else is, the best way to show love.  But, the ladies from the older days all believed, that control and force are masculine characteristics.

At age eighteen, the gas can company my family owned and operated set up shop at another district, I was placed in charge of the new shop, lived on the floor above the shop.  It was, a small, five-story apartment, my room was on the second floor, with the wooden panels separating the rooms, there was a ten centimeter space from the floor to the floorboards.  Because of how hot the weather got, I’d liked sleeping on the marble floor.  The bathroom was right outside my bedroom, sometimes, after I’d showered, if there was no one around, I’d wrapped a towel around myself, and walked back into my bedroom, then, placed the towel onto the floor, turned on the fan, and start, sleeping.

One day, when I woke, I was looking into the crease of the floor boards.  I saw, that right outside the stair cases, there were, a pair of legs, standing there.  And that, was when I’d realized, that someone had been, watching me.

It was such a scary feeling, I’d quickly gotten back up, hid in the corner.  A little afterwards, I’d took a peek into the cracks on the floor board, the feet were gone.  Later on, I’d pushed the door out; there were, abnormalities that came at me, very strong, a hot and sticky kind of smell came from the bathroom.

Secrets are always connected with desires.  That, I’d come, to understand, many years afterwards.

And so, this, is precisely WHY, you shouldn’t sleep naked, EVEN IF you feel that you’re in the comfort of your own home, that nobody can get in, because, someone will, and, you’d end up, getting screwed, like that saying of how a woman who sleeps in the buff can turn a burglar into a rapist?

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Awareness, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Innocence Lost, Lessons, Nowhere Is Safe, Observations, Story-Telling, Suppressed Memories

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