Being Put Down by Her “Better Half”

The interactions of a husband & a wife, translated…

Meng taught at a private technical high school.  Her husband is a professor at a university, when they were just wed, it’d made everybody envious of them.  Unexpectedly though, a few days ago, Meng called me up, told me she wanted to divorce her husband.

Upon hearing, I was shocked, and I just asked her all about it, Meng told me she’d worked for a private technical high school, and is regularly under great pressure, every time she’d gone home, and said a few words of complaints to her husband, he’d put her down.  Meng said, that the purpose of her, pouring her heart out at him was not so he could talk down to her some more, nor was she looking for a solution from him, for her problems at work, she just hoped, that he could, keep his horses, and hear her rant for a bit, instead of putting salt on her wounds, and turning her down, invalidating her feelings.  After I’d heard, other than trying to calm her down, I’d shared my own experiences with her.

When my children were in the middle school years, they attended the school where I taught, and, as the children of teachers, the spotlight was often on them, and so, when my sons didn’t do that well at school, and was shown care and concerns by others, I’d told my husband, that I was under great pressures, he’d always acted so relaxed, as if it wasn’t even related to him; he’d even told me, so long as my children grow up healthy and strong, the grades don’t really matter.  Later on, my daughter had gotten into a very famous language school in the south, and my son, into a very good high school too.

When my son was in his junior year in college, he’d told us he wanted to drop out and start his own business, I’d almost passed out, I’d hoped, my husband could talk him out of it, but my husband told me, to take care of myself first, and that the children will have their own blessings in life, to not worry so much.  And now, my son had not only graduated from university, he’d also served his army terms, and is ready, to head off abroad for a graduate degree.  Two years ago, my daughter wanted to go to the States to study too, she didn’t want to go through a middleman company, did everything herself, in the end, all the schools she’d applied to for the first year didn’t take her at all, I was so totally worried, and, my husband said coldly, “why you so hurried, when the timing is right, she shall fly!”, turns out, my daughter flew abroad without any troubles last year, and is now, living her dreams of going to study abroad.

I told Meng, at the time when my husband said those words to me, I too, felt, that he was turning me down, and was very annoying, but later on, I’d thought about it, everything he’d told me was reasonable too, and, if the two of us got into it back then, then, the results may have been a whole lot worse.

And so, I’d told Meng, “it is difficult, making a marriage work, and if you can’t change him, then, change your thoughts, see him as your best guardian then!” but, I believe, that at the time of the events, as husbands, you should NOT say anything, just give your other half a hug, that, is the best way to soothe them.

And here, you still see the gender difference of the expectations of what we women are searching for, when we complained to you, and how you would automatically TACKLE our problems FOR us, when in actuality, all you need, is to just SIT, and listen to us rant, and, after we ranted whatever it was that was bugging the HELL out of us to you, we feel, a WHOLE lot better, but, you losers still take that “problem-solving” approach, and this, will ALWAYS be what’s between the genders when we communicate, because that, is how the male and female minds think differently!

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Filed under Communications, Cost of Living, Expectations, Family Matters, Issues on Gender, Life, Marriages, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Perspectives

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