Upon Finding My Mother Who Has Dementia, She’d Forgotten the Fears, and Forgotten Me Too

Dealing with a demented elderly person at home here, translated…

This early, you’re not even at the age when she could get government money, you’d already been diagnosed with dementia, and, all we can do, is to start, fighting this entangling war with the illness!

It’s been seven years now, and, you’d often exclaimed to us, “There’s a thief in my house, and, he’d often take my things!”, and would often cried, “there’s food in the house, but, I’m not allowed to eat” “you kept telling me to get a bath, wash my hair”, “this, is not my home, when, do I get to go home?”………

From the very start, you couldn’t get home, to now, you don’t know where “home” is, from not recalling the names of your kids and grandkids, to now asking, “who are you?”

In order to provide the best kind of care for you, we’d selected a home community that’s ranked the highest, and we’d prayed, hard, for a miracle!  When the weekends or holidays rolled around, we’d taken you out all over, to the exhibitions and arts and cultural events, to go to lectures, to hopefully, slow down, your deterioration, and hoped that you can have a few more years of lucidity!

This year, at New Year’s holiday, in order to go see your grandchildren perform music, we’d accidentally lost sight of you at Ximenting!  Although this was not the very first time you’d gone astray from us, but, at this place where there are so many others all around, we’d worked really hard, searching, even called the police for assistance!  As the night rolled on in, after nine hours of running around in circles, I’d turned around, and, in the distance, where the lights were dimming slowly, there was, a familiar backside, it’s you, it IS you!

I’d started wailing in the depth of the nights, and, you merely turned your head around, and asked me, with this tone of voice, as nothing had happened, “what’s wrong, are you okay?”, thank heavens, you’d already forgotten fear, forgotten hunger, thirst, and how tired you were, forgotten us, as well as yourself now!

My mother, thank you, for becoming demented, allowing us, to accompany you to the very end with all our minds, hearts and souls, but, DO walk slowly, slower, slower still, so I can, slowly, remember, the way you looked!

Such a sad story, isn’t it?  And no, I’m still not stating it on the mother’s part, but for the child’s, and this, is what the end of dementia will look like, because, as those demented elderly age, they will, eventually forget EVERYTHING, who they are, who you are, and, leave you, with the pains of loss, of losing your parents, and, that, is something that we may all have to face up one day, as the families, and as the patients, being diagnosed with dementia…

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Letting Go, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Old Age

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