Their Turns to Take Care of You, on Filial Relations


My classmate, Ching is normally healthy, with the problem of having high blood pressure, one day, she felt that her chest was stuffed up, and went to the ER, the doctor asked her to check herself in for a more thorough examinations, and, her coronary artery wasn’t in the right place, she was then, checked into the ICU, and she was in critical condition.

The doctor told her husband, “there’s only a thirty-percent chance that she will heal up completely with surgery, but without the surgery, she face the risk of having her blood vessels fall apart.”

Ching who’d always relied on her husband started sobbing helplessly by the corner of the room.  Ching was scheduled for an operation immediately, when I waited outside for her in the waiting area of the O.R., I couldn’t find her husband, or her thirty-year-old only son.  I’d called up her son, what I got, was him, in a sleepy voice, “Aunt, I’m so tired!  So, I’d come home to crash a bit.”

“Come on!  Your mom is under the knife for a life or death matter, you can sleep out here, in the waiting areas of the OR!  If in the process of her operation, her families are needed, how will the hospital get a hold of you?”

And he’d replied, “Who is the one, sleeping in the resting area?”, and Ching’s husband, because he was afraid, to come face-to-face with the results of her surgery, hid back into his car to sleep.

This process made my heart cold, and I’d sighed about Ching’s predicaments in life, and believed, that Ching should take some of the responsibilities as well, because she’d served and waited on her son hand and foot, and from time to time, when he’d forgotten his homework at home, Ching would chauffeur it to school for him, and slowly, it’d made her son take her for granted.

Once Ching had a very high fever, she’d still took the cab on her own to see the doctors, I’d asked her, “Your son is at home, how come you don’t let him drive you?”

She replied, “He’s had a long day at work, he’s resting at home now, my condition is not that bad, I can still walk!”

There was another time, when she had appendicitis, had an emergency surgery, I’d gone to see her, she was all alone, I’d asked her curiously, “How come your husband isn’t here?”

She’d replied, “He just got off work, the air in the hospital isn’t that good, and it would be hard for him to sleep, I told him to go home.”

And so, she’d considered for her husband and son, and so, when she’s in that tug-of-war with death, all of her loved ones are absent.

Her not wanting to impose on her husband and son, it might gain them the bad name of being a bad husband and a bad son.

This, is still, very traditional Chinese, because girls are raised in Eastern cultures to give it all to their families, without asking or expecting anything in return, and, the end results is the husbands and the children got spoiled rotten, and, it’s still ALL the woman’s own fault here!


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Filed under Family Matters, Messed Up Values, Observations, Perspectives, Wake Up Calls

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