Should Have Divorced But Didn’t, What Should She Do Now?

In need of expert opinion here, a Q&A, translated…

Madam C wrote…

Married for thirty-two years, the fifty-seven year old working woman, Madam C, she’d had a bad marriage from the start, she’d gone through not getting along well with the daughters-in-law of her husband’s side of the family, her husband’s attempted rape of her two daughters, domestic violence, etc., etc., etc.  When her daughters needed her, she’d put her life on the line for them, but, because of economics, along with other considerations, C told her daughters to put up with the bad marriage.  And now, because of their father’s brute verbal abuse, not only are the two daughters unable to return to their family of origin; the couple was on the verge of breaking up, because C turned her husband down for having sex with her, using menopause as her reason, the husband claimed that he’ll see someone else for the sex that he needed.

Awhile ago, Madam C used the opportunity of them fighting, and brought up the subject of divorce, and now, she’s hesitant, not knowing what to do.

A My Advice

C’s two daughters, for a very long time, because of their father’s sexual molestations and attempted rape (the eldest screamed and managed to get away, and C found out); along with long-term physical, verbal abuses, shaming, throwing things when he got angry, the adults fought nonstop, along with using the kids as scapegoats.  The eldest who was in a gifted and talented class, because of this, her grades dropped, in her community college years, she’d retaken all the courses, after she graduated, she’d left her books and left home, and met a boyfriend who works in the technology industry, who’s not really focused on working at all.  Because they wanted to marry, they’d gone home to see her parents, and was kicked out by the father.  They didn’t break up, but ever since, they’d fought endlessly, and she got beaten up too, the daughter went to get examined, and had abortions three times, then, she’d had a pregnancy outside of her uterus, and, several years later, their relationship had finally ended.  And now, she’d become a lesbian, and moved in with her girlfriend, and had found a stable job too, and would give C $2,000N.T. for allowance each and every month.

The second daughter fell in love with someone she met while she served in the army, and got married because they were having a baby, and, when the man’s parents came to C’s house, C’s husband refused to show his face, and finally gone to the wedding after C had consoled with him again and again.  When the daughter wanted to the month of recuperation after birth at home, her husband was strictly against it too, and, the second daughter fell out with her father too.

A house had been torn to so many pieces, and now, they’re finally getting a divorce.  On the matter of divorce, only the person involved has the right to decide.  The divorce that should’ve happened but didn’t twenty some odd years ago, the children must have gotten hurt in the parents’ endless arguments and violence.  You should’ve gotten a divorce back then but didn’t, and now, your daughters all left home, C probably no longer worried about the economics now.  Whether or not to divorce, is a divorce even possible, does she want a divorce, it’s all up to her, nobody can make that decision FOR her.

And so, this, is a bad case of putting up with her husband’s abuse for too long, and, in the process, her daughters got damaged, and, this woman’s family is finally, fallen apart, and, nobody IS able to tell her which way she should go, after all, it’s her life, her choice, she didn’t get divorced when the abuse started, and now, she’d stumped on what to do.

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Divorces, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Messed Up Values, Observations, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Translated Work

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