In need of an answer here, a Q&A, translated…
Q Mrs. M wrote…
She had been a neighbor to her husband since they were younger, she’d met him at age fifteen, married him at twenty-two, Mrs. M had been married for thirty-four years now, and she’s having troubles, getting her husband to sever his ties with his spare who is a foreign hired help. M had been working as a full-time housewife for over thirty years, she’d relied on her husband who brought home the bread and bacon, and everything in the house, he says, he didn’t even need to discuss the matters of important decisions with her.
M lives with her in-laws, and, they’d hired a foreign bedside assistant, and even though M believed that her husband was having an affair with the help, but emotionally, she didn’t believe, that her husband would do such a thing. Later on, the elders passed away, and the hired help went to another household, but, the husband still had ties with her, they were caught after they checked into a motel, by the police whom M notified, and that, was when she realized, that their affair had continued for four to five years, and the new boss would not renew her term and so, she’s been sent back to her own country now.
And still, the two who were having the affair still communicated closely, she is a woman, with a husband and children, what, are the two of them up to? M is feeling very unsettled these days.
A My Advice
M’s marital relationship with her husband is servant-master, everything is whatever he says, goes. Even though, she’d caught them in their affair, and had the foreign hired help extradited, but she didn’t get any benefits from that, because after the foreign hired help was extradited, the husband started getting physically violent toward her, and still kept up with communications with his spare.
From before when the spare was still in Taiwan, the husband would, from time to time, give her spending cash; and now, they’re separated, and she lives with her husband and children, what does she want from M’s husband? And this fantasy had been shattered already, what, is on the mind of her husband? M hadn’t planned on telling the other woman’s husband about this at all, feared that they would get divorced, and the woman would stick to her husband like glue. M doesn’t know what to do, she’s totally unsettled.
M has absolutely NO way of controlling her husband, and both her children are already in their thirties now, if she couldn’t use the kids, to restrain her husband, I think, it would be over for M. And, all I can say is this: the spare isn’t in Taiwan anymore, M shouldn’t scare herself like this, she can get out of her family, try to make some friends, play some team sports, to sing, slowly, establishing herself with her hobbies. And, if after a few years, the other woman still returned to Taiwan, maybe the conditions would be different, and by then, she should get herself some alimony; and, if they really got divorced, the impact on M would be lessened, by a whole lot too. change yourself, to strengthen yourself up, so, you’d have the chance, to turn the tables, being a sitting duck is the worst way you can handle this matter.
So here, we still have a woman, troubled by her husband’s affair, and, the husband and the wife are actually friends from childhood too, perhaps, it’s because he’d known her his whole life, and, it’s getting bored for him? Who knows! And the advice columnist was right on how this woman need to enlarge her social circle, and focus on herself, and for now, because her husband is the breadwinner, so, he can speak louder, but, if the woman found work too, then, it would NOT only give the husband the right to push her around anymore, it also could help lessen the economical impact of their possible divorce later on.