On values of the families, translated…
My daughter and my son-in-law who live in Taipei met through work, they’d dated for three years, then got married, and now, they have a son who’s just turned one, they both worked for public positions, and are very close to each other.
A little over two years ago, when my son-in-law’s parents came to Kaohsiung, to ask for my daughter’s hand in marriage, I’d thought, that the parents may worry that we might ask for a very high dowry, after all, my family is namely, my daughter went all the way to NTU’s graduate school, and had gotten in to the mid-level public offices to work.
After a few words of greetings, to not let there be any chance of awkwardness, I’d told my son-in-law’s father right away, “We have the affinity to become in-laws, I hope, that we can get out of the mindset of marrying the daughter or seeing the son marrying, your son and my daughter are thirty years old, they’re the leading people of the show, we’re supporting actors, just like the past thirty years, we’d hovered over them, after they married, we must continue to take care of, and give them our blessings. So, allow me to state it so bluntly, we do not need any dowry payments from you, and, all the other ritualistic matters, we won’t be needing, you can plan it all out.”
And my older siblings believed that I’d married my daughter off so “carelessly”, how can they understand, that this, would be the best kind of blessing for her that’s most practical, only giving and not taking.
A lot of people who’d become in-laws had the mindset of “someone else will be in my old shoes”, kept centering the world around themselves, and tensed up the relationships between the in-laws, is so ridiculous!
So this, is a mother’s view, and she is right, because in this traditional place, marrying one’s daughter off still feels more like selling them, and that, defeats the whole purpose, not only would it ruin the interactions between the in-laws, it may put a damper on the couple’s interactions later on in life.