A Q&A, translated…
Q A pair of worried parents wrote…
Their daughter who graduated college this year, all of a sudden told them, that she fell in love with a man who is nine years her senior in high school, the man was twenty-six then. And U only graduated from middle school, comes from a single-parent family; his eldest brother is unwed, his second eldest has two children.
After U divorced, his only daughter was in the custody of his ex-wife. And, the whole family lived off of the shows they’d performed, only U started working odds and ends, to help supply for the family’s expenses.
Their daughter is very into her boyfriend, the mother said that U wasn’t well-educated enough, that he wasn’t from a good enough family, the daughter told her, “a high degree doesn’t mean good character either; nor does it mean, that he’ll be nice to you, to take care of the family, and may not have a steady job. The boyfriend, U, wasn’t well-educated, sure, but he’s willing to work hard, doesn’t spend carelessly. As to why he doesn’t have any money saved up? Because he took care of his family, is a good son, took home ALL of his pay, didn’t keep a cent to himself, would rather have it hard himself, rather than having his mother deal with the hardships of life. And, it wasn’t his choosing, to be born in such a lousy family, how could he be blamed?” After knowing each other for so long, U had always been kind toward her, if he didn’t have good intentions, she would totally know, so why wouldn’t the parents let go of their stereotypes, and accept him?
The parents believed, that the daughter is WAY too good for the man, that she’s way out of his league, and that they’re worried, that their daughter might get tricked or scammed by him, because his twenty-six, and she was merely a high school student back then. Neither wanted to back down, the parents didn’t have any other thoughts, they just wanted to pull their daughter back.
A My Opinion
The reason that the parents were against this, is mostly due to their socioeconomic statuses and level of education, feared that after their daughter married, she will have a TON of hardship to bear. The problem is, the daughter had set up her mind, “I’m old enough, have my own thoughts, and can make my own decisions. If he’d lied to me, or treated me wrong, there’s NO way I would stay by him for so long.” My advice, is that the parents should meet the man first, to get to know one another better. And, even IF they’d met, it still may NOT change their prejudices. It seems, that the daughter’s persistence is like a carriage with nine horses, pulling outward, and there’s nothing that the parents CAN do, to pull her back for the time being. And I’m really surprised, as to how come this daughter had been dating U for over seven years, and the parents didn’t know about it, and, in these seven years, they’d already lost the influence over their daughter’s choice.
Change a thought, maybe, just open up about the rules, allow them to date, for another one, to two years on end, and, whether or not she’s way out of his league, so long as your daughter is willing to bear the consequences of her decision, however hard or easy it will be for her, it’s all her choice then.
And so, these parents fell absolutely HELPLESS, over how their daughter was insistent on dating this man, whom they believed, was LOWER in the status quo, than they are. Well, parents, who the FUCK gave you the right, to judge someone, because he came from a bad family background? Because you’re way too worried about your own flesh-and-blood’s wellbeing? Isn’t it more important, that your daughter’s happy with this man, that she loves him, and isn’t it also important, that he treats her kind, takes care of her, even though, he doesn’t have ANY money? The parents’ values are the ones that needed resetting in this one.