From a victim to a survivor here, translated…
When I heard people tell me, “On the fact that B had died, we really don’t know how to make you feel better, so, that, was why we didn’t call.”, on the other end of the line, A started crying hard.
A is a hard working career woman, not only was she able to keep herself well economically, she’d also supplied more than her share of the household income. But, underneath her amazing work abilities, A had the life of an abused woman—after getting beaten by the husband, she’d reported it to the police, gone to the hospitals to get her wounds documented, left home, to get started on healing, later on, she fell into the soft words of B’s consoles to get home again. Year after year, this was the same script that kept happening, again, and again, it’d made ALL who really actually tried to help A out feel helpless, like it wouldn’t be right, for them not to offer assistance, but, they can’t really help her out, because she keeps circling around in that same vicious cycle.
One time, we’d learned that A moved back in, I’d immediately called her up, to get her to move back out, told her, that IF she couldn’t make her mind up about leaving home, then, B may not do as they’d both agreed, go to the hospitals regularly to get checked, and the kids that grew up in this violent environment, it would be hard, for them to develop well psychologically. And still, the feelings still overcame A’s rationalism, in the end, she’d chosen to stay at home, with her abusive husband, and B, refused to check herself into the hospitals.
And, this only exacerbated, several years later, one day, A’s mother just so happened heard the rumors floating around A’s neighborhood, “We’d often heard a household getting too rowdy, followed by a woman’s crying.” She shocking realized, that the woman that the neighbors heard crying might be her baby girl. She did some checking into it, and, it WAS her daughter, and so, the mother took her baby girl out of her abusive home. A, who’d finally had enough of being abused regularly, finally made up her mind, never to return home again, and so, ever since, the status of A and B’s marriage became “separated”.
The days of being abused is just way too scary, A and the kids now lived independently and steadily, from day to day, with NO contact with B whatsoever. A short while ago, B who has NOBODY next to him died all of a sudden. When A and the kids went to pick up the house, she’d found, that as her husband was starting to live alone, he’d started to change, had prepared for the children’s education and everything, and still, he’s already gone, and, no matter how much he’d saved up, it’s not going to be enough, to make up for that emptiness he’d left in them.
Had A been more stubborn on leaving, and never returning back home again, and break the vicious cycle of domestic violence earlier, maybe, it would’ve all ended differently. To every abused woman, leaving the home, making changes is never an easy choice, and yet, if you’re able to set up your minds, and end this vicious cycle, there’s still a good chance that you can rebuild your families again.
This, is still ALL in H-I-N-D-S-I-G-H-T, and, there’s a ton of “had…only…” involved in this “equation”, and, it is hard, for someone who’s been abused LONG term, to finally SNAP out of it, and, when this woman finally decided to make the changes, everything starts improving, but for this loser who’d abused her, his change came a bit too late.