Monthly Archives: August 2014

Married into a Farming Family

Translated…

Ever since my husband and I started talking about marriage, there are elders around me saying, “You must be mentally prepared, it’s NOT easy, being the daughter-in-law of a farming family, you will rise with the sun, you must have strong shoulders, and strong arms too, you must be a jack of all trades.”

At the moment, I, who’d been an office worker for a long time, other than feeling that strong sense of panic coming on, I can only be led by the blind.  Not knowing, that after I’d married into a farming family, did I start understanding what “farming” and being “farmers” are all about.

My in-laws followed the scheduling of the sun, their sweat drenched the land, even though, they’re NOT adept with words, but, their darkened face showed of their white teeth when they smiled, they’re straightforward and passionate, without a calculating mind.  When I was pregnant, they’d accompanied me silently, after a twelve-hour work day, they’d still bring home a specialty chicken soup for me.  Toward themselves, they lived simply, but, they’re very kind and generous toward their neighbors, and would have their neighbors’ hands full with their planted foods, to know, that they’d done well, entertaining their guests, because agricultural products is how they’d showed their appreciations toward the guests who visited them.

There is a HUGE piece of land that they have, and, hiring some hands can surely lessen the strains, but, it couldn’t match up to the elder’s expectations of how things are done, and, even though, this workload is too heavy for elderly over the age of sixty, but, NOBODY could talk some sense into them.

After I’d married into an agricultural family, that, was when I got hands-on experiences in an entirely different field, did I realize, the hardships of the farmers.  No matter the produce, and no matter the seasons, they’d done everything step-by-step, planned the schedules carefully, and this happens nonstop yearly.  And sometimes, because of a huge rain, a typhoon, the temperatures dropped too much, then, ALL of their hard work had gone.  The second harvest last year is exactly like so, all the grapes, because of the low temperatures, they can only sell them cheap, or make them into wine.  And, they’d both said plainly, “We’re dependent on the weathers to make a living!”

Growing and selling on their own, they’re NOT adept in business, and there would be picky customers who called to complain, and they can only smile and apologize: what’s weird, was that those picky customers are their steady clientele.  My father-in-law scratched his head and said, “Someone who picked at the products are the true buyers.” Seeing how my in-laws took care of their crops like they would their grandchildren, I’d finally understood this kind of heart and persistence of the farmers, and, I’d felt a bit more respect toward them, glad, that my children can grow up under their influence.

And for me, someone who’s married to a family of farmers, who couldn’t do anything to help out, I hope, that my father-in-law’s crops can find fitting customers, and, the customers are eating their healthy products, while my in-laws are planting, working happily in their fruit plantation, keep reproducing the best of the produce products.

And so, from this daughter-in-law’s observations, she’d realized the heart that goes into her in-law’s planting their food, and, she’d gained a LOT more respect for them too.

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Education, Family Matters, Life, Observations, Translated Work, Values

Work Hard, and Your Dreams Shall Come True, on Education of Children

Translated…

I’m a last year middle school instructor, I’m also the parent of a examination taker, toward the parents of my students, along with my own child too, I’d had a very different testing season.

After the major tests were done, after the first scores were noted, a TON of the kids in my class said that they don’t want to go for another test anymore, that they’re only young once, they don’t want to waste their youths away, cramming, but, they seemed to be dissatisfied with the schools they’d gotten into.  I’d asked how they felt, a lot of them believed that they should party hard first.  There are, however, three or four kids that told me, that they wanted to take the specialty exams, to give themselves another shot.

As I’d returned home, my only baby girl too, was crying, she seemed dissatisfied at the school she’d been accepted to, she told me, that she wanted to take the specialty examinations and was ready to buckle down and study.  I asked her, if there’s anything I can do, to help her out?  She hoped to take extra sessions at cram school.

And so, she started focusing on her plans of beating it, and, every day before seven I’d taken her to San-Chong MRT Station, where she got on, to go to cram school on her own; and at eleven in the night, we’d picked her up at the MRT stations.  My wife felt bad, seeing how my child would drag her tired body, she’d felt her heart ache, but I’d told my daughter clearly, that going to school is the easy part, that there are more challenges in her future up ahead, and that she should treat this time of her life, as the most hard-working time of her career as a middle school student then!

And so, some chose to party, other, to give oneself another chance.  Because of the typhoon, the grades were posted early, and my daughter got into the top three schools she’d hoped for, and those students who’d given themselves another chance, all performed relatively well too, some had even gotten accept to their first choice.  But, I’d seen on Facebook, “It must be easy for you, who’d taken the specialized examinations, so easily, you’d scored so high, had I known, I would’ve signed up too…”, without realizing, that on this road, those kids who walked it, had already worked real hard, to get to where they currently are.

In the depth of the night, I saw an article I’d saved after I’d retaken the entrance for my technical college, it wrote: “This, is probably how we all grew up/when we were younger, the meaning of life/existed only in July of the year/and so we worked hard/and studied underneath the early morning bus stops/to the lamplights of late nights…………”

Then, I wanted to cry, working hard, and, you will achieve your dreams!  Recalling my students, my own daughter, and I’d also gotten reminded of how I’d retaken my exams too, how much stamina I’d had back then.

And so, this, just shows you, how you need to set a good example for your kid to follow, like the writer of this article, he too, retook his entrance, because he didn’t get the desired grades the first time, and, because of his hard-working, never-quitting attitude, he’d gotten where he was.

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Decision-Making, Education, Life, Reforms in Education, Standardized Testing, Values

My Mother-in-Law Spoiled Him Rotten

Let’s see who gets to PICK UP the pieces on this one!!!  Translated…

Since my husband’s youngest brother and his wife divorced, he took his child home to live with us and my parents-in-law, my mother-in-law, because he felt sorry for her grandson, for not having a complete home, she’d spoiled him rotten, and would do as he’d dictated, and, the child became a self-centered, spoiled rotten BRAT who’d thrown his temper tantrums when things don’t go his way.

Living under the same roof, even though, I disagree with my mother-in-law’s teaching methods of her grandson, but I felt, that I have no place to say anything, until recently, I’d discovered that my husband’s youngest brother’s son started talking BACK to my in-laws, and, he’d used harsher, and harsher words, each and every time, to the point that he was basically cussing them out, and the words that came out of him didn’t sound like anything that a six-year-old kid would be saying, it’d made me realize how serious this became, because this time, is when he should be undergoing some vital growth processes, that it should not be overlooked at all, I’d finally, started talking about this child, in a round-and-about way to my mother-in-law.

I could understand where she was coming from, and, it’s not my place, to tell my mother-in-law, NOT to spoil him as much, and because my husband’s sister-in-law also wanted to get back together with his younger brother, and my mother-in-law wanted to see that it happens, she’d allow her to come a few days a week, to be with her son, and so, I’d suggested to my mother-in-law that maybe, she could describe the child’s mental states to my husband’s youngest sister-in-law, to have her spend more time, communicating with him.  But my mother-in-law told me, that my methodology may not work at all, because the early matured child had come to believe that it was his mother who’d done wrong, that his mother had done wrong towards him, and so, how could he be respectful and willing to listen to her.

Hearing up to here, a mixture of emotions came up to me, I’d told my husband’s youngest brother told, of how he was too busy at work, that he couldn’t manage to find the time, to discipline his own son, and so, he’d left the education of his own child to my in-laws, and his wife, who wanted to patch things up with her son, kept sucking up to him too, didn’t dare tell him right from wrong.  In the end, everybody knew how bad a temper this child had, and yet, NOBODY in the family wanted to tackle this problem face front.

My husband too, tried stepping in, to discipline, but, his youngest brother turned him away, and so, naturally, it was NOT my place to say.  Everybody wanted to make up to this kid, whose family got broken, but, none of them ever though, that spoiling him like so, can only do more damages to his life.

And so, because the in-laws felt that they’d owed this child a complete family, so, they’d let him rule, and, the father of this child too, same as the mother, and so, the adults are overcompensating, while this kid is enjoying, RULING that household, when he is the YOUNGEST of them all, and this, is just a very bad example, and, if this kid doesn’t get STRAIGHTENED out (and it looks like he won’t ever!!!) soon, well, you’re gonna have a BIGGER mess on your hands, parents!!!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Being Exposed, Child Development/Education of Children, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Everyone Else's Fault, Expectations, Family Matters, Hindsight, Karma, Observations, Problems with Grown-Ups, Properties of Life, Spoiled Rotten, Spoiling Children, Story-Telling, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Translated Work, Vicious Cycle

Losing My Daughter, Plus Being Diagnosed with Cancer, My Son’s Words Woke Me Up

The tale of a S-U-R-V-I-V-O-R, translated…

There’s a saying, that “the third daughter has a better fate.”, meaning that the third child always managed to get all the luck, being a fourth child, maybe, I’m just NOT so lucky, so, whenever I’d had a “dent in the road”, I’d believed, that it was fate, which gave me more courage, to face my own difficulties.

Recalling how when I lost my daughter, I still feel my heart aching now.  After these eighteen years, she’s everywhere I’d go, an apple of my eye, that didn’t have a chance, of growing up, the heavens took her away when she was very young, and it’d taken the happiness, the joy, and the hope away from our household, and it’d made me spend my days awfully.

The pains of losing her, and the bad moods from the loss, unimaginably, the bad cells in my body started acting up, I was diagnosed with cancer.  This HIT almost took me down completely, so many troubles had come my way, and, it’d made me live in pain, misery, and hatred. Right when I was at the most painful part of my life, my son reminded me, “Mom, DO forget those hurt now.”  At which time, I’d waken up, getting out of the vortex of pain, sorrows, and loss, is the best way.  And so, I’d sought out treatment options, gone to chemo and put up with the pains and the discomforts too, and I’d even started looking upon my deceased baby girl as an angel too, giving her mom encouragements and boosts from up above, helping me take up my heart of sorrows, so I can concentrate on fighting my cancer cells.

“If you’re a bull, then, you’d have to haul, and if you’re a human, then, you’d have to live through the pains”, that, was the traditionalist view of fate, it was hard, getting cancer, but, I can deal with it, compare to what others are going through, my pains and sufferings paled by comparisons.  So, I’d adjusted my attitude and mood constantly, since I couldn’t get rid of the cancer, then, I shall, dance the dance with it then!

Life, is made up of a series of misfortunes, and, there are too many worries to be had, only through living your day to day to its fullest, take advantage of the now, cherish those around you, then, the pains and the discomforts won’t defeat you, and, you’d bounce right back up, every time you got kicked down too.

And so, this, is from one woman’s wisdom, because she’d undergone so many trials and tribulations in her life, losing her child, then, being diagnosed with cancer, and undergoing the treatments, and, because of her strong heart and mind, that, was what carried her through.

 

 

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Filed under Attitude, Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Letting Go, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Properties of Life, Translated Work, Turning One's Life Around, Values, Wake Up Calls

Five Steps to Saying Goodbye Peacefully

From the Front Page Sections, translated…

  1. The Research Beforehand: slowly distancing him from you, reducing physical contacts.

And, the reason for this, I believe, is mainly because by maintaining those “bodily contact” (like those gentle strokes across each other’s skin, perfunctory pecks on the cheeks, etc., etc., etc.), it would give OFF the wrong idea, to the person who doesn’t have a C-L-U-E that breaking UP is in progress, and it leads the person on, into believing, hey, maybe, we can still BE together.

  1. Observations: Observe how the two of you are interacting

This, is very important, to have a keen sense of observation, because hints of violence usually shows up in your regular interactions, and, if the person you’re breaking up with shows signs of violence, then, DO be careful, in breaking up, because if you don’t break up well, it just might cost your own lives.

  1. Timing: Do NOT choose the time when the guy gets sent off into the armed service, and it’s best, if both individuals are steady in their school performances and economically stabilized.

This, is very important, because you need to take out ALL the outside factors, and, just focus on the two of you’s interactions, and that way, when you break up, you can let the other person know, that the reason why you’re breaking UP is because of personality differences, and NOT because of being separated or whatever, or that you’d found another, this helps avoid putting oneself in danger, in cases of the jealous ex-lovers???

  1. Finding the Right Place to Break Up: It’s best that the breakup takes place in public.

Because, if you’re in a public place, at least, the other person wouldn’t be able to come after you and kill you with a weapon, after all, there are SO many “witnesses” nearby, and, breaking UP in a public place will neutralize things, because if you broke up at home or whatever, then, thing can and WILL get messy.

  1. Communication Techniques: Use a stabilized stance, with a mild and gentle attitude.

Let the person down, GENTLY, but, CLEARLY, do NOT leave it, so that the other person thinks, that oh, there’s still hope, be clear cut in that you want to break up, but, DO it, in a mild manner, so, the person doesn’t feel offended, because when the person gets offended, then, there’s NO telling what s/he might do to you, and, you’re in danger!

Point is: IF breaking up is absolutely necessary, like in cases of abuse, DO it, carefully, so you won’t anger the other person, thus, bring harm to oneself, you’re life is worth WAY more than hers/his, from your own standpoint, that is…

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Filed under Awareness, Expectations, Hindsight, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, News Stories, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues

Hurting Memories

Stop hurting me!!!  And, I’m still NOT talkin’ ‘bout bumping into the wall in the darkness, oh no, this kind of hurt, hurts a HELL of a LOT more!!!

Why, do those memories hurt, had you ever wondered ’bout that, huh?  And, why, why is it, that after someone’s gone (dead or left???), you desperately grabbed a hold onto their memories, especially the good ones?  What’s your mind trying to make sense of?  Is it still, attempting, to LIE to the rest of you (body, soul AND heart too???), the truth of it all?

Hurting memories, I’d had T-O-N-S, but, lucky, I woke, OUT of that god DAMN nightmare that was my “former” life (and no, I still didn’t D-I-E, NOT physically here!!!), and now, I’d conquered ALL of my hurtful memories, they’d become NOTHING more than that distant night terror (had one when I was a child too!!!), from my childhood, long, long, long, long, long (five longs, that’s long enough!!!) ago.

Hurting memories, well, they hurt me from before, but now, I’d gained CONTROL (and yeah, still a GOD DAMN control freak here too!!!) over everything in MY freakin’ life, and those memories that hurt, well, they no longer have an effect on me again!

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Filed under Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Early Exposures, Healing Process, Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Loss, Philosophies of Life, Right to Life, Self-Deceptions, Self-Images, Story-Telling, Suppressed Memories, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

You Were Here, and After You’re Gone, I Was Left, in Lonely’s Company

So, was your leaving, the primary cause of my lonely, or, am I lonely from before, but you were the distraction I’d needed, and now that you’re gone, lonely started attacking, once more???

You were here, and after you were gone, I was in the company of lonely.  It became, hard for me to adapt, to the company of lonely, all of a sudden, because whereas before, I had you, as MY distraction from it, and now you’re gone, well, there’s NO way I’ll EVER find me a better distraction from lonely than Y-O-U!  I mean, you “worked” well, as my distraction from my lonely.

And, that got me wonderin’, did I feel lonely while you were still here, it’s just that your presence in my life had become a total distraction from the loneliness I’d felt all those years before?  And, I just kept running around in circles, trying to find the answers, and, kept bumping into them god DAMN dead-ends!

You were here, I wasn’t lonely, and now that you’re gone, I’m lonely, all the time, so, it’d be easy, for me to assume (but I still don’t do that, ‘cuz I got ZERO need to become an ASShole!!!), that my lonely was caused by your not being there (and, correlation still does NOT prove CAUSATION, hello, hello, hello???)

You were here, and after you were gone, I was left, NO, abandoned, in the company of L-O-N-E-L-Y, well, look at it this way, “kid”, you still had LONELY as your primary company, what do YOU get?  Not even L-O-N-E-L-Y, so, yeah, I’m still faring, a HELL of a L-O-T better than Y-O-U!!!

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Filed under Awareness, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Enmeshment, Healing Process, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Perspectives, Self-Images, Story-Telling, Values, Wake Up Calls