I Don’t Want to be the Eldest

The voice of the ELDEST child, translated, and, A-M-E-N to that!!!

If I could choose my own birth order, I would NEVER have chosen to be the firstborn.  Became my parents always believed, that my younger siblings are not old enough, that they couldn’t handle it.  When I was a child, I’d often complained to my parents, why I’m always the one, handling all the household chores, and my siblings are free from them?  And, no matter how many times I’d complained, their answers had always been, “You’re the eldest, you must take care of your younger siblings, stop being so calculating.”  And so, I’d ended up, handling ALL the household chores, and I’d kept my mouth shut, when issues like this had surfaced.

Back when I’d filled out my major in college, my first choice was English, but my parents insisted that I put down pre-law before English.  Their reason being, “You’re the eldest, you will get married, and start supporting the family, if you earned a law degree, then, you’d be able to find a good job, if you want to study the English majors, then, after you’d graduated from law school, then, you can.”  And so, I’d made myself live UP to their wishes.  I’d studied the boring and dried out law degree, as I watched my younger sibling, filled out the forms, with their areas of interests, and I’d become filled with envy.

During the time I was in grad school, I’d found this immense interest in the academics, I’d planned to go abroad to further my education, at which time, my family had started a shop.  And, I got rattled up inside, because I knew, I will be the only one to help out there.  Turns out that I was right on that too, as I was preparing for the TOEFL exams, my parents wanted me to help out.  I’d explained to them, “I must focus on my TOEFL exam, and make a very high grade, so I can get into a better school, if I am need, I can only come a day of the week.”

They’d replied, “We’d set up this shop, with you in mind, why can’t you just help out here first?  Why can you only come to help out one day of the week?”

A series of why, and the answers, are all the same, “because you’re the ELDEST”, I think, if I have an older sibling, I must be a HELL of a lot happier compared to I am now!

And this, is the problem of being THE firstborn, we NOT only are the EMOTIONAL punching bags between our parents, we’re ALSO the one, carrying out our parents unfulfilled dreams, and, they WILL use “excuses” like it’s ALL for you, to PUSH us, and because of our birth order, we’d been forced to become responsible, because we HAVE to take up the responsibilities we may NOT even BE ready for, starting very young…

Leave a comment

Filed under Childhood, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings

Say What You Want to...

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.