How I Ended Up with a Toad

The S.O.B. story, from the Frog Prince!!!

This, is the story of how I, a perfectly beautiful (yeah, so, I still got my HUGE ego here!!!) princess, ended up with a SLIMY, and YUCKY T-O-A-D…

So, I was playing around my father’s palace as a child right?  And, my golden ball fell into the pond, as the story goes, and, I would’ve gotten into the waters to retrieve it, but, my mama told me to be more of a lady, and so, I stood by the pond, wondering what I should do, and, a retarded (b/c he was!!!) toad from that big lotus leaf croaked and said that he could get it for me if I wanted him to, without allowing me to answer him yes or no, he dove into the waters and, retrieved my golden ball, and then, that UGLY, SLIMY Y-U-C-K-Y thing invited itself to dinner at my parents’ palace, and, on the dinner table, I told my father what had happened, he freakin’ told me that I OWED him.  Uh, hello, I NEVER asked that STUPID toad to get my golden ball for me, and now, I’m paying for it with my life, is that fair?  Of course N-O-T.  But hey, he DID freakin’ get my golden ball out of his “place of residence”, so, how can I possibly argue with my D-A-D-D-Y?

And that, is just how, a princess like me (yeah right, I am still THE Queen here!!!), ended up with a slimy, yucky, disgusting T-O-A-D, and, on our wedding night, I still didn’t kiss him, because I figured that hey, an amphibian is a HELL of a LOT easy to deal with than an full-blown IDIOT, and that, is how that TOAD remained in ITS originally, CURSED form, and, don’t ask me W-H-O cursed him into a toad, that, was WAY before MY time, and, I have NO intentions, and NO way of finding that out, okay???

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